It’s all about “preference”

I was at Rack Room shoes recently, showing my husband the type of shoes I wanted for Christmas and a woman was sitting on the ground looking at boxes and, thinking she worked there, I asked her to please hand me the size 8.  I tried them on and said, “Ewww, these look like ‘old lady shoes'” so I handed them back.  I turn around to find that she now had the box of the same shoes in her hand AND her PURSE which meant she didn’t work there… she was a customer buying the same shoes I just called “old lady shoes.” I was MORTIFIED!!!

After I got over the embarrassment (and went back to take a second look at the shoes I’d just put to shame- which, coincidently, I ended up liking after all.  Imagine that!), something hit me: In many ways, we, as individuals are much like the story I just shared.  Shoes are shoes- people are people.  I may prefer heels and you may prefer sneakers, but that doesn’t make sneakers worthless or heels silly.  It just means we have different preferences and sometimes it may even require taking a second look to fully appreciate what’s in front of you.

This connected with me on a personal level because, for as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be everyone’s “preference.” I’ve wanted to be perfect; not just to do things perfectly, but to be perfect.  I thought, in being so, I could and would be liked and even loved.  It wasn’t that I sought popularity, as that never mattered to me; I simply wanted to be wanted; I wanted to matter and I thought “perfection” was the key.  It took far too long for me to figure out that perfection didn’t exist and even if it did, it wasn’t going to matter anyway- even as my greatest self, I was never going to be “all things to all people.”

Neither will you- and that’s ok.

Let me further explain where I’m coming from: I’ve come to learn (and have said many times), I’m an “acquired taste.”  My personality- my passions- my beliefs- my convictions- my ways are not for everyone.  I used to say that I was the type of person you either loved or hated- there was no grey.  Half of me was unapologetic about that and the other was terrified; terrified that, yet again, I failed the “perfection test” and not everyone leaned on the “love me” side of the scale (although, in all fairness to myself, I’ve often just been “misunderstood” and once people have taken the time to really get to know me, the scale tipped just a bit, much like how I was with taking a second look at the unfairly labeled, “Old lady shoes.”)

Now, I’ll admit, I think I gave people more of a reason to dislike me years ago than I do now (meaning, I can understand why I may not have been everyone’s favorite person in the world).  However, I’m much more “tame” now than I used to be.  I believe that’s come with age and maturity, but also with having more- MUCH more- of God in my life.

I still speak my mind, but there was a time where if I thought it, you heard it.  It was almost as if there was NO filter between my brain and my mouth (my filter is there now but sometimes is does need replacing 😉 ).  THEN there was my face.  Oh, my dreaded expressions.  Even when I wasn’t saying anything, my face was speaking volumes.  In addition, there was my anger which led to my actions and my lack of impulse control (I would do things that felt almost out of my control).  So, again, I can understand why I may not have been on people’s “Favorite Friend” list.

Although- and here is the good news- there were many who, even at my worst, still loved and adored me. The really “got” me. They saw past the mess and hung on for the ride.

This taught me a valuable lesson: We have to be who we are and if some people don’t like that, that’s ok…move on.  Don’t beg to be accepted nor strive for perfection so you will be welcomed in with open arms.  It’s unrealistic and unattainable.

(I would be careless if I didn’t add this disclaimer: I’m not suggesting that we use the excuse, “Well that’s just the way I am!”  A statement I’ve heard too many times (there is no excuse for being rude, cruel, disrespectful and so on). I’m also not suggesting that we don’t learn, grow, mature, or evolve. That would be silly and irresponsible.  We all have “stuff” that needs adjusting and getting along in the world is important.)

What I am suggesting is:  We shouldn’t try to be something we’re not just to be “liked” and we certainly shouldn’t use the world or others as our standard because that standard is always changing.  We just HAVE to be who we are- the good, bad and the ugly- and grow along the way.  Those who stay are awesome and those who go, well, genuinely wish them the best.

Please remember: Sometimes- often times- being liked or disliked isn’t about you at all… sometimes people will disklike you out of jealousy, envy, you remind them of someone else, or simply because it’s just about “preference.”  Regardless of the reason, this world has a place for you and where one may not “prefer” you, there are others- MANY others- who would be lost without you!

Remember that… PLEASE 🙂