Beautifully Broken

As I sit in front of my Christmas tree, this Christmas Eve morning, I look at all the BEAUTIFULLY wrapped presents underneath it.  Between the lights, the ornaments and the many gifts under the tree, I am filled with excitement, anticipation, and gratefulness.  I’m also filled with a tinge of letdown because I know that although I’m excited to see what’s inside of each present, and excited to see the faces of my family as they do the same tomorrow, after it’s all been unwrapped, a little letdown will set in.  The anticipation of “what could it be?” will be gone because with shredded paper and bows all over the floor, I will know what was inside of those gloriously wrapped presents and the beauty of the scene around and beneath the tree will be gone.  My children have said the same, actually.  Year after year, after year they say, “I want to take my time opening each present so I can enjoy the moment.” My one son, Cameron, is the slowest of them all because he, too, knows what’s to come the moment after the last gift has been opened.

This scene reminds me of why I chose the name of this blog.  I struggled, slightly, with deciding on a name actually, or at least how to explain what I mean by “A Life Beautifully Broken” After all, when we think about the word “broken,” “beautiful” doesn’t usually come to mind, does it?  I don’t think so anyway.  At least not until we put it into context and understand what it means to be truly “broken,” then to decide, “How do I turn this brokenness into something beautiful?”

Reflecting back on the introduction, please close your eyes for a moment and imagine this:  We meet for coffee and excitedly I tell you I have a gift for you; one I can’t wait to share with you.  I then hand you THE most wonderfully gift-wrapped box you’ve ever laid your eyes on (you know the kind of wrapping I’m talking about… professional, Martha Stewart type stuff… the type of gift I’ve often found myself saying, “It’s so beautiful, I don’t want to open it.  Can’t I just look at it for a moment first?”)     The outside of the box looks SO perfect, too perfect, that you’re almost afraid to open it; to ruin it.  So there you sit, staring at the beautifully wrapped present.  You might even take out your phone to take a picture so you can store a memory of the beauty.

I tell you, “Please friend, open it! See what’s inside… THAT is what you’re really going to love!”  However, you continue to sip your coffee and say you’ll open it later, you just don’t want to ruin what you have.

You take the unwrapped gift home and place it by your bed so it’s the last thing you see before you go to bed at night and the first one your eyes gaze upon in the morning.  You go off to work, school, or wherever else the day takes you and all you can think about is that beautifully, unwrapped gift by your bedside.  The next day you find that you want to take it with you wherever you go. After all, it’s just so pretty!  Day to day, week after week, month after month you carry it with you, protecting it best you can.  However, the inevitable happens:  one day you find that the paper is worn and torn, the bows and ribbons have come off and even the sticker that displays your name under the “To” line has faded.  You see, that’s what happens in the day-to-day.  The more you live, the more worn you become, and that’s not even including when others are thrown into the mix.  People around you want to see the beautifully wrapped present too, and the more who have their hands on it, the more “at risk” your treasure becomes.  So then you, too, feel the sadness set in- the letdown.  You find yourself at a crossroads: Do I stare at the torn and tattered or do I let go of the “what was” and look inside to see the “what is.” What is the REAL gift within that was waiting for me all along.

You choose: you open it to find a rare, one of a kind, priceless crystal vase of the highest quality.  When the light hits it, rays of beauty shine all around it.  You say to yourself, “If I’d only known what was on the inside, I wouldn’t have been so protective of what was covering it.  I would have opened it sooner!”  This vase then becomes the centerpiece of your home so that when others enter, they, too, can see the beautiful rays of light.  Now the gift can be shared by all.

I find our lives are like this in large degree.  WE were the beautiful, perfectly wrapped gift God gave this world; a gift so special, valuable, unique, and dare I say, even AMAZING (cliché, I know, but nonetheless, very true)!  We came into this world one way and through the day to day, things happened.  As children, we have very little, if any, control over what happens to us. Who leaves or who stays.  Who loves and who does not. Who supports and who looks the other way.  As adults, it’s much the same.  Again, I say, it’s the day to day that get’s us.  Things happen!  Divorce, death, job loss, abuse, addiction, abandonment, rejection, and just plain old let down.  Things are done “to” us and things are done “by” us. We find ourselves broken.  The question is, are we going to hang on to the ruin or look inside to see the beauty that comes from it?

I’ve found that with all the tragedy and trauma that has happened in my life, it’s a part of me; it’s made me who I am.  If the gift had never been opened, I would have never found the treasure. Beautiful people don’t just happen.  They are made!

I’ve said a thousand times, “If I’d never gone through that, then I wouldn’t be equipped for this.”  I’m even grateful for the poverty as it’s taught me how to give to those in need.  I’m thankful for the conditional love I received it’s given me an ability to love UNconditionally since I know how valuable it is.  Rejection and abandonment showed me how to welcome others in.  I can list all the ways I’ve been broken and how it’s changed me, but so can you.

As I close, I want you to consider our greatest example of brokenness ever to walk the earth: JESUS!  HE was broken, bruised, and by all accounts, thought to be ruined.  However, the brokenness HAD to happen so the true gift could come through; a light for all the world to see.  Talk about a life BEAUTIFULLY BROKEN.  Had THE greatest gift ever given to the world been tucked away, protected and hidden in a manger his whole life, where would any of us be? Instead, He knew, He fully understood that you have to be a broken vessel for life, abundantly full life, to be lived and shared.

Don’t hide in your brokenness- it doesn’t make you “less than” or “no good.”  Choose, instead, to let the light shine through so others can be given permission to do the same.