Who are “YOU” going to be today?

We’ve all heard the saying, or something like it anyway, “You can’t control other people’s behavior, only your own.”  It’s something I’ve said to my children often and something I find myself saying, inwardly, on an almost daily basis (I’d go so far to say that I say it several times a day, in fact).

Something is done to me or I hear that something has been said about me and my first instinct is to become defensive or to want to retaliate in some way (if you’ve read my “About Me” page, I’m sure you can see where my “Fight or Flight” response stems from).

However, I decided a long time ago (time and age has blessed me in that way) that if I take just a moment to pause, I find myself asking a very important question: “Mel, who are you going to be today?”  

THAT is what it all boils down to: Who will YOU decide to be today?

We aren’t held accountable for other people’s actions, only our own (and I thank God for that!)

It was several years ago when I was going through, what seemed to be (and probably still is to this day), the greatest betrayal in my adult life (and by my closest “friends,” nonetheless, all started by one woman who later admitted to me, “I was just jealous of you.”).  This woman caused rumors, stirred a huge pot of trouble, and doused me with so much gasoline every time I walked through the door, I thought the fire would never extinguish.  All I wanted to do was “put out the fire” she was starting, “defend my honor,” and “set the record straight.”  I also wanted to retaliate.  But I couldn’t.

The best way I can explain it is to tell you what I told my husband one night as we were getting ready for bed, discussing all that was going on with these women, and what I could or should do about it, as well as all the ways I could “make it right.” Yet, many of those “ways” to make it “right,” may have meant I had to compromise who I was.  So, I contemplated, then made my choice; I told him something that I still think about nearly every night as I lay my head down.  I said, “At the end of the day, I have to be ok with only one person: ME! I have to be able to go to bed at night knowing that I was as good of a person I could be and with that, be able to sleep at night. Can they say the same?”

I’ve got many other stories like this; stories of betrayal, from those closest to me and from those who I barely know.  One thing is for certain: In this life, people may disappoint, hurt, fail, betray, and backstab us.  I’ve even seen people jump on my back just to get to the next step of the ladder (I’ve seen this in all facets of life: school, in the ministry, and certainly in “Corporate America”).  However, the great news is: what “they” do is not my responsibility, but (and it’s a big BUT), what I do and how I choose to respond is. 

It sounds so simple, doesn’t it?  I know it’s not– not by a long shot – certainly not for all of us anyway. We all come from and are in different places in life.  Our reactions to things are based on a foundation from childhood, the things done to us and by us. (and “by us,” I mean things we’ve done to ourselves).  We all have a history and within that history we’ve formed habits of response and reactions.  IF any of those habits start to change who we are into who we no longer want to be, it’s time for a pause.  Take as long of a pause as you need to. However, at the end of that pause, I implore you to decide not to let the actions of others change your response to them.  I beg you not to let it change YOU.

So I ask you again: Who will YOU decide to be today? 

You, my sweet friend, are WAY too valuable to allow yourself to become anything less than the beautiful soul that you are- don’t let anyone take that away from you!